How I Learned to Set Goals for Real and Lasting Change

As the Ides of January settle upon us, I just want to check in on those new year’s resolutions and how they are going for you. The New Year is a great time for setting goals for lifestyle change or improvements, but are you setting yourself up for success by setting the right kind of goals for the change you are trying to make?

What if I told you that reaching your goals has very little to do with intention? Sure, we have to be intentional about which goals we set, but no goal has ever been accomplished simply because we intend for it to happen. As the old saying goes, “Spit in one hand and hope in the other, then see which one fills up faster.” Our hopes, dreams, fantasies, and ideals are all great for helping us determine a change we would like to make, but they provide no actionable pathway for reaching the stars we desire.

To be successful in making goals it is important to make goals that align with where you are at personally, dispositionally, and that are in tune with your motivations. One way of doing this is by first understanding which stage of change you are in in order to make the goal reachable. Many of us set lofty goals thinking that I can I make this happen simply because it is something I want. We mistakenly believe that our will and desire alone will make us successful. And while “will’ and “desire” are active ingredients in the process, if we are relying on them alone, we are destined to fail.

Let’s get nerdy for a minute.

The Transtheoretical Model of Change suggests that there are six stages of change. For us to be successful at any change, we must first process where we are at in making that change in reference to the stages of change. If I am not prepared mentally (contemplation stage) then I will never be successful practically (action stage) or gain the momentum to make this change permanent (maintenance stage). Or if the goal has been reached, how to properly move forward to build on that success (termination stage).

To understand the stages of change, consider the following descriptions. While thinking about the descriptions, bring to mind a change you are looking to make and try to align yourself with what stage of change you are in for that specific change. (Hint: not all change happens in unison. You may be in one stage of change for one goal and another stage of change for another goal.)

The Precontemplation Stage

This stage is characterized by no intention toward action in the foreseeable future (next 6 months). In this stage, when considering a challenging or negative behavior (smoking), the person is not fully engaged with the problem of the behavior or that the negative consequences of making a change outweigh any positive that would come from that change. For example, I am not going to quit smoking because I will be more stressed out and gain weight. 

When a positive change is being considered (exercise more) the person in the precontemplation stage is not fully convinced in their own mind that this change is necessary or even important. Thus any efforts at setting or reaching the goal will be hampered by a passive attitude toward the change. In this stage, change is virtually impossible.

The Contemplation Stage

In this stage the “why’s” of change become more apparent. This stage is where we begin to find our motivation and reason for making any change. In this stage, a person is making the mental switch from passive to active attitudes about the change they want to make. Thus, they are anticipating a pathway to change over the next 6 months. To continue with the smoking analogy, a person may move from precontemplation to contemplation because of a negative report from the doctor or maybe an ultimatum from a loved one.

In this stage, a person may still experience a real ambivalence toward change, but they are, at least, considering the pros and cons of the situation. They have become more active in their attitude about the behavior and whether or not there is a reason or need for making the change. It is in this stage where we have to make up our minds about the change we are considering. 

One thought exercise you can do to test whether you are ready to move out of the contemplative stage is by measuring your perception of the importance and urgency for the change you are thinking of making. On a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on how important (why I need to make this change) the change is. Anything below a “7” and you may not be ready mentally to begin making this change. Using the same scale, now rate the urgency (how soon do I need to make this change) of the change you want to make. Again, if you are below a “7” then your chances of being successful are much lower.

To raise your importance measure or your urgency measure, a person must continue to wrestle with their reasons for change. More information is usually needed to create urgency or importance so reading up on the pros and cons of any change you want to make can increase your mental desire for that change. Often life circumstances and situations can also increase the importance and urgency for a change (having children, preparing to go to college, etc.)

The Preparation Stage

Once you have determined if a change is important and urgent enough to make, then you can begin making preparations for that change. This is a very important and often overlooked step. What is to be considered in this step is the capacity a person has for change. This is the actual ability and know-how to make the change you want.

This stage is typically a 30-day window from deciding the change (Contemplation) to implementing the change (Action/Maintenance). A person can sense all the importance and urgency in the world to make a change, but without preparation you are doomed to struggle if not fail. In this stage, mental and physical preparation are tantamount to success. For a smoker, it might include talking to a doctor about forms of treatment. It may also mean talking to others that can support the smoker in making the change. This stage is all about lining up the logistical support to make you successful.

The Action Stage

Those that struggle most in making change are those that jump from precontemplation/contemplation to Action. Without doing the prep-work, it is just difficult to be successful. Sure some have achieved success in this way, but it is working harder and not smarter at your success. In the action stage, a person is consistently working their plan for change. This may include a few set-backs along the way, but if you process through change using these concepts you will be prepared and insulated for the set-backs.

The action stage is typically engaged in by the person putting actionable steps to their goals for a period of 6 months. Yes, change takes time. This is another reason why people are not successful when they don’t understand the process of change. During this stage a person is evaluating their efforts and identifying the skills and strategies that are going to help them be successful. It is important that we realize that this stage is not where our goals are met. It is only where we first begin to put action toward reaching them.

The Maintenance Stage

In this stage, the change has now taken root. To be in the maintenance stage a person must have maintained the desired change for 6 months. (Again, real change takes time.) Because a person has taken the time and given themselves the grace of understanding the process, change over time is no longer overwhelming. There is now a built in joy for the journey because the change is not something we feel like we are fighting with ourselves to make happen. It is more natural and thus more engaging.

It is in this stage where a person will be challenged by relapse. Relapse is simply going back to the old behavior (smoking, binge watching tv, etc.) or losing site of the benefits or reason for the change. During the action and maintenance stage, be sure to identify a plan for set-backs or relapses that will allow you to compassionately resume your journey for change.

The Termination Stage

This is the sixth and final stage of change. The termination stage suggests two realities for the person who made the change. The first is that they have truly changed and have no desire to going back to the old way or behavior. The second is that the goal was achieved and now can be built upon by setting another goal on top of it. In the first instance, a smoker may have given up smoking and after going through all the work to make the change now no longer has any desire or burden for smoking. In the second instance, a milestone goal may have been reached such as a number of pounds lost or a distance running goal reached. In these instances, the person is set up for success to build on that goal with continual change or improvement.

To be honest, the Termination goal is a bit of a misnomer. Your goal should never be to terminate any progress that comes from making changes. Here, we use this to illustrate how to build or transition your goals to other success areas.

Now that you have a better sense of how to make any change you are wanting to make, you can set and reach goals much more clearly based on where you are at for that change. 

For instance, I am working on 3 goals for myself. Two goals are in the action stage and one goals is for myself in the contemplative stage. As I express these goals, see if you can make the connections (and in some cases assumptions) about where I am in the stage of change, what thought processes lead me to setting goals in this way, and what you may be able to anticipate about my success at making these changes.

The first goal is “To increase my movement and gain flexibility through the practice of Chair Yoga 3-5 x’s per week.” As I have gotten older, I have become less active. Sure I go through phases where I am working out and exercising but have not had the urgency or importance behind making it an ongoing routine. As such, I am feeling the pain of a stiff body and loss of flexibility. This is an action stage goal.

Notice that my goal matches the importance and urgency I feel toward exercise. First off, my goal isn’t even to exercise. It is to increase movement and flexibility. This can be done through exercise, but I am not setting myself up for an action or pace I cannot maintain. Through my contemplation stage of research, I came upon the practice of chair yoga. I believe this is something I can engage in to reach my goals that meets me where I am at.

My second goal is to “increase my social wellness by attending one community event or recreational activity per week.” Similar to my first goal, this is also an action goal. Through contemplation, I have determined an importance and urgency to increasing my social wellness through connection and activity. This is important to me as I am an extreme introvert that enjoys being around people. The urgency is that as the days grow shorter, I tend to withdraw and keep to myself. Now that the days are getting longer, I feel an urgency to reconnect with people and my community.

My third goal is set by recognizing where I am in the stages of change. It is this: “to learn about ayurvedic practices for food and medicine to increase my knowledge of holistic medicine over the next 9 weeks.” Notice this goal doesn’t call me to any real action except “to learn.” By setting goals this way, there is no pressure for implementing anything that I don’t fully understand or to take on a change to my diet that I am not ready to make. I do know that I have an interest in these practices, so the urgency and importance for me right now is to take time to simply learn about these changes. In this way, I experience progress toward a goal without overwhelming myself with the goal itself.

As stated before, change is difficult. Maybe this was a bit of a newsflash for you and some of the concepts discussed here registered with you as you struggle or are successful in change. Maybe you have been successful in change but doing it the hard way based on will and desire alone. In any case, working with a trained health and wellness coach can assist you in making any change you want.

Coaches are trained to assist people in processing through the stages of change and in determining goals that are appropriate for any person in any stage of change. Coaches work with you through your ambivalence about change and help you find the attitudes and motivations necessary to create the importance and urgency toward change. Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of working with a coach is that they can help you determine if you are even working on the change that is best for you. Many times the change we desire is from external pressure and not internal motivation which can make all the difference in outcomes.

So whatever change you want to make, you will not be as successful acting on desire and willpower alone. Adapting change to the Stages of Change model will help you be more successful as you set goals that meet you where you are at. In this way, sustained success that leads to maintenance and termination stages of change are available to you.